true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
