I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
