i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
