xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Randomize
