Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
you have to choose: penises or morals?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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