I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
