I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
