So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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