Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
