I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
whose parrot is this?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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