You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
