Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
