My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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