"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize