lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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