Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
