I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
