We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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