Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Randomize
