We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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