we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
