she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
