No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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