Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
