Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
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