.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize