I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
