I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
You are a genius and a whore.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
