You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
