so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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