I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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