he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize