alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
