We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize