Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
