i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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