I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
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