my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
