How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
