I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
