I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
