the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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