I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
