You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
