LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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