i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
