so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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