I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
