My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
