You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
