once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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