He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
