It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize