If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
