I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
