When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
no you cant smoke seaweed
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize