I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
