you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize