Even the bartender felt bad for me
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
