you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
