So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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