Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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