walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
The struggles of a small town man whore
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
