i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
