May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
