we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I need a beard to bite.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
