I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
