Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
