I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
