A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize