I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
