Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize