david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
