problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
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