there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Randomize