The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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