If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
