We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize