I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
How does it feel to date your dad?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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