Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
