True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
