Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
