Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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