Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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