My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
