I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
